Thank God For…Krispy Kreme

thank god for krispy kreme
About a decade ago, a few Krispy Kreme stores opened up in my area.  If there’s a place that’s on God’s dessert stop, it’s Krispy Kreme.  I don’t know what those Krispy Kreme people put in those donuts; double MSG, Meth or what…I don’t know.  But, GD!!!  They were the best flippin donuts. EVAR!!!!  I shit you not!
“…how far is heaven?”

   And these handful of stores were packed!  Forget going on Sunday mornings.  The line was too long.  The only time you didn’t wait in a 30 minute line was 3 am on a Wednesday morning.  Otherwise?  Pack a lunch, cause you we’re waiting for deliciousness! 

the beauty of it brings a tear to my eye…

Sadly, though, Krispy Kreme’s parent company was severely mismanaged, driving the organization into some serious financial troubles (I won’t bore you with specifics here.  You all have access to Google.  Go read up on it yourself) and all the local donut shops in my area closed.

It was a very dark time.

Years passed.  Several long, painful years.  One day on my way to work, I saw a sign in front of a long closed KFC building.  I slammed on the car’s brakes to get a better look.  My eyes had not been lying to me (again).  A new Krispy Kreme was opening!  Huzzah!!!!  Donuts would be had for all my friends!
The store opened up quickly, but I ended up keeping my distance.  I was still nursing a broken heart.  I guess I just didn’t want to get hurt again.  Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice shame on you. My folks even gave me a gift card to KK for Christmas.  Still, I kept my distance.
Over the weekend, Sarah and Jethro got themselves sick.  Pain in the ass.  I’m a creature of habit.  I don’t adapt well.  Kids getting sick is so not on my schedule of things to do.  But, they did.  And I, being the Father I am, I broke down, put my heart back on my sleeve and drove to Krispy Kreme.
I bought a dozen donuts. 
Within 5 minutes, there were only four donuts left.  I shit you not.

I was all prepared to go back and get more.  Yea, that’s right.  It was miserable outside, Krispy Kreme is about 6 miles from my house, which sounds close, but it’s down one of the most clusterfucks of a thoroughfare in my area.  So, where it might take 5 minutes to get the 6 miles, it takes more like 20.  One way.  But, yes, I was still prepared to buy another dozen.  THAT’S HOW FUCKING GOOD GREAT THESE DONUTS ARE!
So thank God for Krispy Kreme!  Please, God!  Help the morons on the corporate board run the company properly this time.  Instruct them the right way to run a business, instead of expanding too quickly and wasting the company’s assets on diamond encrusted toilets.  Thank you, God.  You are the best!

Believe it or not, these toilets aren’t worth the extra money.
PS God…if in your infinite wisdom you could see fit to get me a free dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts for this helluva plug I just gave them, I will do my best to….ugh, I don’t know.  Be a better person, I guess.  Thanks!  Amen!

You may also like


  1. Word, my friend, WORD. When I lived in suburban hell, they built a Krispi Kreme. That was wonderful. Now I'm back where I belong, and there is no krispi kreme here. Why? Because Canadians are retards for Tim Hortons. More's the pity.

  2. ooooooh….not….CAPTCHA…I HAAAATE CAPTCHA….arghdldldoeldslsl….

    that was me choking on my own tongue.

  3. LOL!!! "Word". Love that. Might have to start using that again. Sorry about the whole Canadian thing. I've got nothing but, well…some respect for my neighbors up north. :) I kid! I kid!

    I don't know of this "Tim Horton" fellow you speak, but I can tell from your tone, that I wouldn't like him very much…

  4. i know. i know. i hate the captcha, too. but, some folks round these parts can't be trusted with all the responsibility that comes free range comments. so the rest of us suffer. isn't it always the case?!?

  5. A van plowed into our Krispy Kreme (which has been there since I can remember 40+ years). It is closed until further notice. I think I hear the wails of the deprived from my house.

  6. I think you should get more than one free dozen for this plug! I love Krispy Kreme donuts too…that's why I try to avoid them whenever possible.

  7. LOL!!! "the wails of the deprived" Now that's funny!!! My condolences to you and your family on your (temporary) loss. May a new and brighter Krispy Kreme rise from the ashes of the old one! :)

  8. you know, after you said that, i really thought twice about that free dozen. my pants are snug enough in the waistline.

    forget it…i'll still take the free dozen.

  9. Being stuck in podunk, where KK is headquartered, the jerk who ran it into the ground has moved on to run ANOTHER local business into the ground. He won't have KK to kick around any more.
    You may be safe….for now.

  10. Do you know that I am actually salivating now? That's how good those donuts are. We have one about 20 minutes away, but I'm not going to drive out there right this second. I might just lick the screen instead though.

  11. you gotta do what you gotta do! reminds me of Willy Wonka. "the snozzberries taste like snozzberries". the krispy kreme's taste like krispy kreme!

    and the thing is for me? i gotta drive by that shop EVERY day. twice a day!!!

  12. Ok- I have never actually tried Krispy Kreme – clearly my life is incomplete! On a good note – I was finally able to stumble one of your posts – woo hoo!

  13. I think that my ex-MIL has one of those toilets. I shit you not (pun intended).

    On another note, what the hell is this stumble crap people keep mentioning? Is this ANOTHER hellish social media conundrum that I can't keep up with?

  14. wait. what? you haven't. sorry, but you're life definitely is incomplete.

    well, actually, you're better off. more for me. :)

  15. LOL!!! they do say diamonds are a girl's best friend…

    stumbleupon? it's a great way to get exposure. you submit links and users "stumble upon" them. if you wanna know more, hit me up on twitter, i'll give you the details…

  16. no LIVE HARD DIE FREE for you, eh?

    Tim Horton was a hockey player. Someone opened up a donut shop named after him that sells quality, strong coffee. Canadians everywhere are freaking addicted and walk around with brown paper coffee cups in their hands to the point of being walking stereotypes. Donuts there are slightly shitty.

  17. huh! go figure. and how does this "Tim Horton" coffee compare to Starbucks (answer correctly, cause I do not like Starbucks. in the least)?

    slightly shitty donuts make me angry.

  18. There was a Krispy Kreme just around the corner when I was in college and I just never understood the big deal. I ate one and just didn't like it. Maybe because I wasn't raised in the south? We don't have them here in New Englad. We're all about Dunkin here. NOt that they are that great either. Hmm. Maybe I just dont' care about donuts? Found you at finding the funny.

  19. Really?!?! I'm sorry. It was probably one of those poorly run shops. Dunkin stinks compared to KK. except for their coffee. Love DD coffee. Maybe that's the next Thank God For…article. Thank the big guy for DD coffee!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  20. Be still my heart – KRISPY KREME!!! LOVE THEM

    Thanks for linking up to #findingthefunny!