Disney World Ain’t for Kids PT 3.5

Disclaimer (again):  I have a feeling I’m gonna take a lot of shit for this piece.  Probably loose my lucrative Disney sponsorship, in the process.  But, what the hell, right?!?!?  YOLO!  We’re just having a lil fun here.  I love WDW probably more than most of you.  I’ve taken my kids there several times (Sarah being there the most…at least 5 times). So, make sure your sense of humor is firmly in place before moving any further…

You can pick up where I left off with the first half of Part 3 here.  If you’re staying, it’s right back down the rabbit hole with ya…

let’s go, Alice. we’re late! we’re late!

…I forgot the most important part of the wait. Not only are you waiting for the stupid ride, but you’re doing it in the hottest of hot heats. That’s because the damn Dumbo queue is outside (At least it was.  Again, I haven’t been to the Magic Kingdom since they revamped it a few months ago.  And this whole series is a quasi-repost, anyway…so there!) smack dab in the middle of the Floridian Heat!

yea…bet those umbrellas are keeping you real cool.

Tell me baby all through the night that you’ll never let me go.  Tell me baby, cause I want the world to know how much sense would it make for the Disney folks to enclose the queue, set up some air conditioners, and throw up a monitor or two? Play a movie or something, for pete’s sake! They’ve got all those “great” cartoons, right? Shit, I’d settle for some more of those good ol’ brain washing commercials (No I wouldn’t.  I’m totally lying. I bitched about that in my article “Another Great Adventure“.  But, who’s keeping track?)  Something to at least dull the senses. I’m not asking for much, here. It would definitely make the wait that much more bearable. I mean, the amount of money Disney is making off of you. On the soda alone (hint, hint. That’s what we in the biz call a “spoiler”). It’s the least they can do…

hey. at least they have these showers in Animal Kingdom!

Now, I’m not really familiar with your kids. And believe you me, I don’t want to be. I got enough of my own. But, I’d be willing to wager my stately fortune that if your kids are anything like mine, they aren’t what a rational human being would call “waiters”. You know that + 45 minute wait I was rambling on about last time (and to be honest, i’m being VERY generous saying it’s 45 minutes)? It’s not like you’re doing that time in a vacuum. Those kids of yours are gonna be right there with you. Crying, whining and all around mind fucking you the whole time. And unless you’ve got the willpower of a James Bond being tortured, you ain’t gonna make it with your brains intact.

                                                                          embedded by Embedded Video

And don’t fool yourself into thinking that it’s just Dumbo your gonna wait for, either. All the good rides, you’re waiting for. Tower of Terror, Haunted Mansion, Thunder Mountain, Star Tours, the list is endless (just like your wait.) Oh, you’ll breeze right thru Cinderella’s carousel, the teacups and the train ride around the Magic Kingdom. But that’s only because they’re bor-ring! If it’s got a hint of entertainment, better pack something to read, cause you waiting!

this ride doesn’t even exist anymore and it STILL has a wait time!

To recap: Waiting in line sucks!

Next installment: Better take out that third mortgage, you’re gonna need it!

you’ll need to visit this guy. and it looks to me, he doesn’t like the looks of you.

Don’t delay.  Part 4 is all warmed and ready…

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2 Comments

  1. We did not go on the dumbo ride because of the wait but you will be happy to know it is now enclosed, somewhat, as in I could only see part of the line getting into the doorway to the next wait. The only long wait we had was space mountain which was about 45 min but for first timers, my kids will tell you that one was worth the wait. My husband was the only one in denial of the lines – I love that you posted this under isn’t it obvious?

    1. wait…are you trying to make me look bad? are you saying the lines weren’t that long? are you saying here that i’m an…an…exaggerator?!?!? LOL!!! well, i have been known to stretch the truth, just a bit, from time to time. :) so…i guess it’s true.