Food Week! Oh, Oh, Oh! Ice Cold Milk and an…

Over the last few months, Nabisco has been putting out some fairly funky flavors of Oreo cookies.  And since it’s been awhile since I’ve addressed the state of all things Oreo (Completely Random Photo Of The Immediate Future, Don’t Listen To Me: Triple Double Redux and Review: Triple Double), what better way to waste your time and valuable internet space than with an Oreo post for the last day of Food Week!

Truth be told, this post has been in the works for some time now.  It started a long, long time ago.  Way back in the early months of 2012.  For it’s 100th birthday celebration, the National Biscuit Company (that’s Nabisco to all you layman out there), released a special edition birthday cake flavored Oreo.”Nice! ” I thought to myself (who else would I think to?  You?)  when I saw them at the store.  “I’ll get them the next time I’m out.”  Well, how stupid of your friendly neighborhood jman to think that to hisself.  ‘Cause no sooner did I have that thought, then those sumbitches disappeared off the shelves.

For real.  They just up and disappeared off the planet.  Every store I went to thereafter.  Gone.  Every supermarket, convenience store, Wal Mart, Target, whatever…. I looked.  Absolutely nothing (say it again).  Gone!

So, I shelved the post, thinking it’d never happen.  But, as luck should have it, I found a few packages of Birthday Cake Oreo’s at Target not too long ago.  So, with all the glee of a kid not knowing how disappointing Christmas is about to be, I picked up a package.  And the post was back on!

Here’s the proverbial kick in the pants for ya, though.  A short time later, I found a huge flippin display of them at my local Wal Mart.  WTF?!?!?  All that time and effort.  Wasted!  Maybe patience is a virtue.

Nah.  It’s not.

two words: rip off!

But, that’s not even the worst part of the whole experience.   What is the worst part?  How the cookies taste.  They’re awful.  That’s right.  Awful.  I like cake.  I like birthday cake.  And I love me some icning.  Seems like it’s a slam dunk, right?  Wrong.

Meh.  C’est la vie (that’s Hungarian for “fuck it”).

***

Shure, bert?!?!?

Moving right along, we have for your post dining pleasure Ice Cream flavored Oreos.  And what better time to talk about Ice Cream flavored Oreos,  now that summer’s over?

Whatever.

I was holding onto these cookies hoping the fore mentioned Birthday Cake Oreos would magically appear.  And they did.  And that’s why I’m a day late and a dollar short.  But, don’t worry.  You didn’t miss out on anything.

taste the rainbow?!?!?

Billed as rainbow flavored, these “Shure, Bert” (sherbet?  Clever, no?  No.) cookies are anything but.  Unless you consider a rainbow 2 colors.  Of course there’s 3 stripes to them, but 2 colors/3 stripes a rainbow doesn’t make.

I suppose they taste like sherbet.  But, who cares?! ?  Was it necessary?  Were the great unwashed masses clamoring for more sherbet?  Who likes sherbet, anyway?  Who goes out to a store looking to buy sherbet?  Unless you’re making drinks or you’re over 95?  No one.

refreshing?!?!?

Did you know sherbet is French for “sucks”? Yea.  Me neither.

***

yum?!?!?

I may have been off a season with the Ice Cream flavored Oreos, but I’m timely as today’s news with Candy Corn flavored ones!  Nothing says fall/Halloween like Candy Corn.  And some genius over a Nabisco decided to bastardize flavorize that already delicious crème center with Candy Corn.  I mean, I guess I can’t blame them.  Candy corn and Oreos are two great tastes.  But…do they taste good together?

Yup.  You guess it.

They’re terrible.

***

still more delicious even it vintage, cookie staleing packaging

So, which one I am buying?  Double Stuf Oreos.  Stick a gun to my head, and make me pick out of these three?   Double Stuf Oreos.    Make me go to the dentist to get my teeth scraped or pick the flavor I liked best? I’d eventually  go with (probably) the  Ice Cream flavored Oreos.  Besides the taste, the Ice Cream flavored Oreos had the “normal” allotment of Oreos in them.  I don’t quite understand how Nabisco determines what flavors get the “special edition” reduced allotment of cookies, and others don’t.    I’m sure it involves algorithms.  Or magic.  Same thing.

 

 

Image source:
Nabisco logo:  food network
Joker:  images.cryhavok.org
Wonka:  rapgenius.com
Sherbet:  genaw.com
double stuf oreos:  travelnotes.de

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4 Comments

  1. Boy howdy,

    When did the geniuses at NBC decide to cut loose with all of these, um, flavors? I use that term trepidatiously, because, up until I got to the whole candy corn thing, it sorta had validity. Seriously. Last year, I had early warning signs of impending insanity; I bought some so-help-me-god “blackberry cobbler” flavored, gourmet candy corn for Halloween, for about 3.99, which right there is a sin. I ate precisely one of them. Galaxies melted. I cannot describe the taste. Shit like that is just against nature and I’m sure I paid dearly for it in March when I was hospitalized for a month for staying up all of February. My life is like that. I digress. Seriously, Candy corn Oreos just sound like, what? I just can’t wait for the “Wax lips Chips Ahoy.” Those should be great!

    1. whoa!!!! i don’t know even know where to begin! stayed up all february? wax lips chips ahoy? $3.99 blackberry cobbler candy corn? i think my brains bout to explode! :)