Disclaimer: I have a feeling I’m gonna take a lot of shit for this piece. Probably lose my lucrative Disney sponsorship, in the process. But, what the hell, right?!?!? YOLO! We’re just having a lil fun here. I love WDW probably more than most of you. I’ve taken my kids there several times (Sarah being there the most…at least 5 times). So, make sure your sense of humor is firmly in place before moving any further…
If you’re feeling all uppity, you can pick up where we last left off with Disney World Ain’t for Kids PT4.
Man! Can’t believe it’s been over 5 weeks since the last time I updated this series. Talk about bringin’ one back from the dead. Sheesh. The last time I worked on this series, the world was a significantly different place. Barack Obama was president. The US was knee deep in recession recovery. The country was divided. Oh, wait. Maybe it wasn’t that long ago. Still…if this series was a dead body, we’d have some serious decomposition. I mean, there probably wouldn’t be all that much left besides skeleton. All the soft, gooey stuff would’ve been devoured by insects long ago.
If you think about it, this Disney World series could be a lot like one of those zombie movies all the rage anymore. You know…now that your friendly neighborhood jman seriously considers it, it IS a lot like a zombie movie. All the zombies want to do is eat your delicious brains, and that’s exactly what this series does. Actually most of the crap on this site is zombie-like. It just eats away at your brain. The problem is that you’re one of those stupid humans who thinks that he can out run the zombies. You know, something like:
“Mary Ann! I’m telling you. If we can make it through this gaggle of zombies, we just might make it to Non-Zombieville.”
“I don’t know, Professor. I just don’t know. There’s an awful lot of zombies out there.”
“We have to do it, Mary Ann! We aren’t safe here. Once those zombies realize we’re in this bed, naked, they’ll want to eat our delicious brains.”
“You’re the only one who’s naked, Professor. You said the scent of us on our clothes would throw off the zombies. So you took off all your clothes.”
“But you didn’t follow suit.”
Mary Ann wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t want to be running through the streets naked.” She nodded at the Professor. “You didn’t have to take all your clothes off, either. You could’ve just thrown your jacket or something.”
“True, Mary Ann. True.” The professor tried peering out the boarded up windows. “Either way, it doesn’t matter right now. We’ve got to get out of here! We’ll distract them with your thong panties.” He reached out to her. “Quick, give them to me!”
“It’ll never work, professor!” Mary Ann cried.
The professor grabbed Mary Ann’s shoulders. “It will Mary Ann! We’ll toss your panties out the window and run the other direction.”
Mary Ann sobbed. “I’m sorry professor. But it won’t work!”
“Why, Mary Ann? Why?”
Mary Ann managed to stifle her cries. “Cause, I’m not even wearing any panties.”
I knew it! I knew it all along! I should’ve made a play for her long ago! The professor thought to himself. (Who would he be thinking to, besides? You?) “Never mind then. I’ll just create some sort of distraction. Then we’ll run to safety. What do you say?”
“O…okay, professor.” Mary Ann sniffed. “If you think we can make it.”
“Of course I do.” The professor said, standing up.
Mary Ann turned her head. “I really wish you would’ve at least kept your underwear instead of throwing it at the zombies.”
“We would have never made into the safety of this house if I hadn’t, Mary Ann.”
“But, the Zombie’s weren’t anywhere near us when we ran in.”
A loud crash from the back of the building interrupted the Professor. “The Zombies!” Mary Ann screeched. She grabbed the professor’s hand. “Let’s go, Professor. Let’s make a run for it. Like you said. Maybe we can make it to Non-Zombieville.”
“Yes. Let’s go!” The Professor hesitated for a moment.
“What? What is it, Professor?”
“Are you really sure we can’t…I don’t know.” The professor shrugged “Fool around or something first?”
Mary Ann rolled her eyes. “There’s no time. Let’s go!” She screamed as she ran out the front door.
Damn! I thought for sure I had her. Meh. That’s ok. She’ll give in when we get to Non-Zombieville. The professor thought to himself (again) taking off after Mary Ann.
After only making it a few yards, the zombies quickly swarmed onto the Professor and Mary Ann, trying to tear them from limb to limb. “Mary Ann! Mary Ann! I’m so sorry!” The Professor called out.
Mary Ann screamed in terror as the zombies engulfed her. “I forgive you!” She managed to cry out kicking at the zombies.
“Mary Ann?” He screamed out.
“Yeeeeeaaaaa?” Mary Ann screeched, helplessly.
“I told you we should’ve got it on first.” The Professor called out just as the one of the zombies sunk his teeth into his delicious brains.
See. That’s you. You think that you can read the site, laugh and go about your business. But, however slowly, this site eats at your brain!
I apologize for the slight detour today. We’ll get back on topic with the exciting conclusion of this series…next time. I swear. Totally…
But, god damn! Did I get off topic with this one or what?!?!? How’s about we get back on point with Part 6?
Images courtesy of:
castle: Photomatt28 on flickr
Zombies at the window: hurriyetdailynews.com
Zombie crowd overhead: hvzmovie.wordpress.com
Zombie crowd: teddysratlab.blogspot.com
Zombie eating brains: nanogeektech.blogspot.com
Woman zombie: museshank.blogspot.com