Disney World Ain’t for Kids Pt.6

Disclaimer:  I have a feeling I’m gonna take a lot of shit for this piece.  Probably lose my lucrative Disney sponsorship, in the process.  But, what the hell, right?!?!?  YOLO!  We’re just having a lil fun here.  I love WDW probably more than most of you.  I’ve taken my kids there several times (Sarah being there the most…at least 5 times). So, make sure your sense of humor is firmly in place before moving any further…

Let me start off by apologizing to you about part 5, which was really suppose to be this post. Your friendly neighborhood jman got hold of some tangent and Whoosh! The next thing I know, we’re talking about zombies. As tempted as I am to re-hash the whole thing, it’s best we just leave it alone. Let’s just pretend that part 5 never happened.

okokok. just 1 reminder of part 5. now…let it be stricken from the record!

So…moving right along, at some point in the past we we’re discussing all the reason why NOT to take your kids to Walt Disney World. I’m not gonna recap that much here, either. You can go back and re-read where we really last left off. Suffice it to say, just because it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a duck. It could be some sweaty, balding, tooth-missing, creepy deviant in a large duck costume. What does all this duck business have to do with not taking your kids to Disney World? Well, I’ll tell you.  Just because the folks at Disney market the hell outta the place like it’s for kids, doesn’t mean that it is.

daddy! I want a goose that lays golden eggs!

If your kids are anything like my kids, which no doubt they are (cause kids are kids are kids), you can’t take them anywhere without the little darlings begging you to buy them something. It doesn’t matter where you take them, either. They’ll beg and beg and beg. You take them to the gun shop? They’re begging for a gun. You take them to the Chocolate Factory? Well, you get the picture. And forget about taking them to Target. You might as well just hand over your wallet to them.

(thinkthinkthinkthinkthink)

To illustrate my point, I’ll need for you to put on your thinking toque on. ‘Cause it’s Imaging Time (which is better than Hammer Time, everyday of the week, including Sunday)! So, sit back as your friendly neighborhood jman paints you a pretty picture.

just do yourself a solid, don’t use the bathrooms there. kids aren’t, as they say, the “neatest” of beings.

Imagine, if you will, spending  a week at Toys R Us with your kids. Make sure you imagine a place to sleep and a few restaurants, too.  And while you’re imagining all this, don’t forget about the bathrooms. Got all that?  Good.  Cause that’ what staying at Disney World is like.  Just 50 times worse.

Everywhere you go at Disney World, there’s something for sale. I’ll give you that most of it is nice stuff, but believe you me, none of it’s cheap. Nothing in Disney is cheap. At all. From the food to the souvenirs. We started to cover the money thing back here.  But, here is where it’s get fully realized.

we all know that snack right there cost 50 bucks. no need to act surprise when the register jockey tells you the total.

Now, look.  I’m not so much complaining about the prices. There are some things you just got to expect. You go to the movies, you’re gonna pay an arm and a leg for soda and a popcorn. That’s just how it is. So, you have two options while staying the in world’s greatest family resort. You either buy the overpriced food with a smile or you don’t. I don’t get the folks that complain each and every time about the price of concessions at the movie theatre. Like they’ve never been to the movies before. You know it’s going to be expensive.  Buck up or don’t.

but, daddy! I want a Pluto pen!!!!

All that being said, we should all know that every last thing is expensive at Disney World. Fine. Whatever.  It ain’t so much about the money, anyway, as it is the constant mind fucking on the part of the kids. Everywhere you turn, the Disney folks got their wares at the ready. Coming off a ride? Oh, look there’s a store! “Dad, I wanna get this stupid piece of shit plastic thingy.” Coming out of a store? Oh, look there’s a cart selling light up shit! “Daddy, I want this $15 light up thingy. My life won’t ever be the same without it” Coming out of a restaurant? Oh, look there’s a vending cart! “Daddy, get me that Mickey Mouse ice cream for $7.50. I know I didn’t touch a thing on my plate at the $18/kid restaurant we just left a few seconds ago, but I really want that fucking ice cream. My life just won’t be complete without it. Wooooooooooo!” Coming out of a bathroom? Yea…you guessed it. There’s some sort of buying facility nearby.

We’ll wrap this series up (finally) with some more actuals next time.

All good things must come to an end.  Bad things too.  Part 7…

 

Images courtesy of:

Toque:  ocanadagear.com
Toysrus:  horsejunkiesunited.com
Popcorn:  examiner.com
veruca salt:  businessinsider.com

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8 Comments

  1. I have never been to Disney, but I can only imagine how expensive everything is. I’m quite sure how they get you coming & going. I agree with you that when you visit these entertainment venues you have to have your mind made up – either you’re going to buy something or you’re not. They are overpriced and they have a captive audience. Why else would you buy a $8 bottle of Dasani water or Miller lite.
    Jae Mac, I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)

    1. i believe the technical term is “tourist trap”. :) and that the place is!

      you’re right, there’s no real way of getting out of not spending oodles of money. sure you can spend less oodles of money, but oodles of money is still oodles of money!

      thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  2. Duh, didn’t you know it’s all a scam….to get the parents to buy everything for their kids at like xmillion the price of what it actually costs….of course they want you to bring your kids so they can ask for everything and you have to give in otherwise you’re the mean parent…OR you have to buy food because otherwise your kids would starve….>.< scam…lol nice article!

    1. yea…after the 17th time there, i realized the scam.

      what can i say? i’m a lil slow on the uptake.

      the worst part? is that i actually like going! forget the kids! i’d go by myself!

  3. LMAO… your post was funny enough, but your offhand comment here really brought it home for me: “there’s no real way of getting out of not spending oodles of money. sure you can spend less oodles of money, but oodles of money is still oodles of money!” … Like when someone tells me that the prices on clothes at the some store in the mall are all “on sale”… I usually respond along the lines of, “Greeeeeeeeat… so instead of one million dollars, a shirt merely costs half that… which I still don’t have!” That’s why we don’t shop at the mall, & it’s certainly why I’ve never been to Disney! :)

    I wouldn’t mind going with my hubz some day after the kids are grown & gone. Is that terribly selfish & un-parent-like of me? aw shucks, sure it is — but I can live with that! :)