Tales from the Vacation: I’m on a Boat!

“Take a picture, Trick.  I’m on a boat, bitch.
We drinking Santana champ cause it’s so crisp.
I got my swim trunks and my flippie floppies
I’m flippin burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flippin copies..”

“They” say that you learn something every day.  Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not (I don’t even know who “they” are, to be honest with you), but I definitely learned a thing or two about being on a 3 day weekend cruise.  Like, in certain “circles” a cruise like the one I was on can sometimes be known as a “booze” cruise?!?!

Now look, I’m old.  My partying days are long….well, they never quite happened.  I’m still old, though.  Regardless, when the boat left port?  Whew!  Party people in the house!  I saw some things, that really, I wish I hadn’t.  I’d seriously consider going to one of those memory erasers they had in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.

two thousand zero zero. party over. oops! out of time.

Nah…I kid.  I kid.  It was pretty tame, actually.  It’s not like it was a Carnival cruise or anything.  Well, except for that part where this really…”oversized” lady decided to change into her bikini in front of everyone.  Yea.  Now’s about the time I’d consider standing in between some high powered magnets to forget the things I saw.


Another thing your friendly neighborhood jman learned?  Boats move.  I don’t just mean forward and backward or whatever the nautical terms are for moving forward and backward.  But…side to side.  As in…a lot.

it’s all fun and games until the ship leaves dock…

Nonono!  I didn’t get sick or anything.  I’m all man, here!  I toughed it out!  Curled up in blankies.  In bed.  Yea.  It took a few hours, but by dinner…well, I was upright.  I had a headache, was disoriented and miserable, but I was upright.  And since that’s how I feel every other non-cruise day, I figured I must be okay.

Vertigo…I hate you.


One of the stops on the cruise was to Royal Caribbean’s private island, Coco Cay.  How does one get a private island?  Do rules and laws apply when you have a private island? Or, if I buy one, can I suspend all civil rights/liberties to all the inhabitants.  I’m not saying I would…it’s just a hypothetical question. I mean, it’s not like I’m ever gonna have enough money to buy a private island.  But, just in case, I want to know what my rights are to take away other’s rights.  Just in case.

Anyway, it was a beautiful day on Coco Cay.  But, it wasn’t terribly warm.  I went into the ocean, anyway.  Cause when you’ve spent your life going into the “charming” Atlantic waters at the Jersey shore, you’re pretty much obligated to spend a moment or two in crystal clear waters of the Bahamas.

As clear as the water was, though, I learned a little bit about the sand at Coco Cay.  It wasn’t, how you Americans say,  real firm.  The only way I can describe it is:   it was sort like walking on wet play-doh.  And every step you took, every move you make I’ll be watching you you would sink down to your ankles.  I was a little worried about getting stuck or eaten by one of the Tremors worms, so…I got the hell out of there right quick.

you NEVER know what’s under your feet!

But before I did, a fish swam by me.  No shit!  A real live fish!  Yet something else I learned!  Who knew they even made fishes any more?!?  And I saw it, too?  Again…coming from the puke green colored waters of the Jersey shore, the only thing you see in the water is…well, it’s best not to discuss it.

eiw! and it almost touched me !


And there you have it.  Just a couple tidbits of knowledge I picked up on the cruise.  It’s not over yet though!  Our next stop?  Nassau!



Image courtesy of:

Fish:  traveltips.usatoday.com
Vertigo:  cheermad.com
Roller coaster:  news.yahoo.com
Tremors worm:  oneguyrambling.com

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