Planet of the Jakes: Sunglasses at Night

Over the summer, the kids went on vacation to the Jersey shore with their mother.  I know you’ll recall a few episodes ago on the Planet of the Jakes, where Jakob started calling Jethro, Deblett (which, btw…he did stop calling him) on that very same vacation.  Along with calling his brother a stupid name, Jakob picked up a new pair of sunglasses.  And that’s were, well…let’s just say that’s where our story begins:

looks like the kids are home!
looks like the kids are home!

“Jakob…”  Natalia said, throwing down her suitcase in the middle of the living room floor.  The rest of her kin followed suit, the vacation with their mom over.  Sadly enough (for me, that is).  “Show Dad your new sunglasses.”

“Nah.”  Jakob replied, flopping himself down on the couch.  “I really missed this sofa, Dad.”

“C’mon, Jake.  Just show him.  He’ll like them.”  Natalia encouraged.

Jakob shrugged noncommittally, but did lean over to pick his bag off the floor.

“C’mon, Jake!”

“I’m looking!”  Jakob snarled at Natalia.  “I’m looking!!!”

“Alright!  Alright!”  Natalia smiled, a bit deviously.  “Settle down.”

Before I could yell at her (again) for instigating (again), Jakob stood up suddenly.  “Look, Dad.”  He said, proudly.

He had on a pair of sunglasses with what looked like a dot matrixed version of the Batman logo on the lens.  Rather, a knocked off version of the Batman symbol.  Since he got them down the shore, and probably cost a buck, I just figured they weren’t “officially” licensed by Warner Brothers.  And Jakob only got them to impress me.  “Nice!”  I said.  They were cool and all, but I’m not the biggest Batman fan.  So…whatever.  I turned back to picking up whatever crap the four of them just dumped on the floor.


“No, Dad.”  Natalia laughed at me.  “Look at them.”

“I know, Natalie.”  I said, picking up her flipflops she just shed on the floor.   “I see it.  It’s the Batman logo.  Here…”  I tossed her the flipflops.  “Put them on the step?!?!”

“No, Dad.”  Natalia insisted, nodding at the glasses on Jake’s face.  “Look.  At.  Them.”

I sighed at her, giving the glasses the once over again.  Yup.  Batman logo.  Check.  Big…wait.  What?  Does that say?

jakob buttman






Does that really say Buttman?  And that’s when I looked at the emblem again.

jakob buttman

“Jake.”  I said, closing my eyes for strength.  Or grace.  Or clarity.  Or, hell, I’d settle for just a little patience.  Said, sugar, take the time.  Cause the lights are shining bright.  You and I’ve got what it takes to make it.  “Do you know those aren’t really Batman glasses?”

“Yea.”  He replied.

“Ok.”  I nodded.  “Do you know that they say “Buttman”?”

“Yea.”  He shrugged.  “It’s funny, isn’t it.  “Buttman”.  Get it?”

I looked at him for a moment.  Realizing the kid truly is from some other world.  “Oh yea.  I get it.”

Jakob laughed out loud. “Buttman.”  He said, walking away.  Apparently, done with our conversation.

“Good talk, Jake.”  I called out after him.  “Good talk.”

jakob buttman


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