Cereals go for a premium at my house. Not only that, but they don’t last very long either. Probably why they go for a premium. You either get a bowl or you don’t. That’s just the way the cereal cookie crumbles.
One day, I found Jethro pulling a box of Reese’s Puffs out from under the bottom drawer of the pantry.
“Hey!” I said, stopping to watch what Jethro was doing. “Did you hide those under there?”
“Yea.” He said with a sheepish grin. “I did.” I gotta admit, I was pretty impressed. It was a clever enough spot that I didn’t even realize they were there. “I hid them, because Sarah and Natalia always eat them before I get them.”
The kid had a point. But, that’s what happens when you have two sisters in high school that get up an hour before everyone else. “True.” I nodded, regretfully.
“I’ll put them back.” He said, dejection shadowing his face.
“Hang on. Hang on. Wait a second.” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder, all sage like. “Let’s not be too hasty here. Let me just say this. I absolutely do not condone the hiding of food. At all. And if pressed, I will admit to nothing. But, what you do with that box of cereal after I leave this kitchen is up to you.”
He looked at me, confused.
I rolled my eyes at him. Some things you just gotta spell out. “Do what you want with them. I’mma pretend that this never happened. If the girls catch you, you know you’re dead…”
“Ok!” He smiled, heading back to the table, box of contraband still in hand. “They won’t find out!”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, continuing on whatever business the big guy had me on before I was interrupted. Famous last words.
Man! Was that a bad decision. Cause, lo and behold…
“What?!?!?” I said, storming out of my bedroom/office/fortress of solitude.
“Jethro’s been hiding the Reese’s Puffs!” Sarah screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Sarah!” I said, walking into the firefight that was going on in my living room. She was waving an empty box of Reese’s Puffs around, her deputy, Natalia right behind her. Pinned in the corner was the bandit, Jethro the Kid.
“Sarah. Do you have to scream? It’s cereal for mercy’s sake!”
“He’s been hiding it!” She hissed, pointing a menacing finger at Jethro. “And you said no more hiding food!”
Jethro looked over at me, helpless. I gave him the “I-told-you-I-didn’t-condone-this-action-and-if-you-got-caught-you-were-on-your-own” shrug. “But, Dad! She hides food all the time!” Jethro yelled.
“I haven’t hid food in years!” Sarah yelled back.
That was a bit of an exaggeration. She probably had food hidden up in her room right at that very moment. Hell, she probably has food hidden up there right now! “Give me the cereal.” I said, grabbing the box from her. “The two of you, go finish your homework.” I turned toward Jett. “You! Go to your room.”
“But, dad. You…”
I shot him the “I-told-you-I-didn’t-condone-this-action-and-if-you-got-caught-you-were-on-your-own” menacing look, cutting him right off. “Go do something. Go to your room or something.”
“Why isn’t he getting punished?” Sarah snarled. “He ate all the Reese’s!”
“Yea!” Natalia added.
“You know what? All of ya’s…get away from me. Right now. Before I throw all the cereals out and start buying Bran, only.”
They all mumbled and sassafrassed their way into separate corners of the house. And me? What was the lesson I took out of all this?
Not to have four kids.
While you’re patiently waiting for the next episode of the almost internet famous internet show (next week!) don’t forget to see what happened last week!
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Images courtesy of:
Reese’s Puffs: www.amazon.com
All bran: www.joyfullyfit.com
Old West gunfight: http://www.flickr.com/photos/coyotecreek/