Planet of the Jakes: Field Trippin’

planet of the jakes field trippin

Yup.  It’s that time of year again, folks.  No.  Not spring.  I mean, yea…Spring is coming.  And thank god for that, really.  Cause this has been one long, miserable winter.  Can I get an amen?

But, no, I’m not talking Spring in this case.  I’m really talking…field trips!  And once again, your friendly neighborhood jman was picked to chaperone a bunch of lunatics fourth graders in one crazy adventure!

planet of the jakes field trippin franklin

Jakob, his fellow lunatics classmates, myself and a few other in over our head parents all went to the world renown Franklin Institute.  Now, I’ve been to the Franklin Institute 50 million times in my day.  It’s usually a fun, “learning” experience.  This time, though?  This time I was really looking forward to going.  Because the Frankin, as I call it, has been running a special exhibit called:  One Day in Pompeii

planet of the jakes field trippin

The exhibit featured all kinds of artifacts from the ancient city that was buried in ash when Mt. Vesuvius erupted a couple years ago (I’m pretty tempted to make y’all pull out your history books, but I’ll let it slide.  Instead, I’ll provide the hotlink to wikipedia.  You’re welcome). The money shot (btw…this is what we call “foreshadowing” in the biz) of the exhibit, included what the kids were most excited about:  “dead” people!

planet of the jakes field trippin

I’d really like to show you pics of the exhibit, but we weren’t allowed to take any.  Besides, 95 percent of the exhibit was wieners.  And I ain’t talking hot dogs, either.  At least, not literally.  Figuratively, I suppose I still am.

lots of wieners
lots of wieners



planet of the jakes field trippin

Case in point.  Before you get to walk into the exhibit, you have to suffer through watch a little pre-show set up, in front of this huge faux stone and wood doorway.  When the pre-show set up is over, the doors open automatically and in front of you, the first thing your eyes gaze upon, is a ginormous marble statue of a nude dude.  With his junk right at eye level.

it was this cat.  and it was way bigger.
it was this cat. and it was way bigger.


I guess back in the day, clothes just weren’t en vogue.

The kids?  They were cracking up.  So much so that the rest of the time it was all penis and penis jokes.  Oh…and “lady parts”.  There were a bunch of female statues sans clothing, as well.  The kids had a field day (i don’t mean it, that way, pervs) pointing out the “lady parts”. Not boobs, or boobies or breasts.  Nope.  Lady parts.  They all could toss “penis” around, but couldn’t even say “boobs”.  Lady parts.


Of course, the kids wanted no real part of the exhibit, penises or no.  They just wanted to run around, act like toons, and try to break shit.  So, I really didn’t get to check out any of the artifacts.  I was too busy trying to corral the lunatics kids in my group.

shit's about to get real!
shit’s about to get real!

The best part of the exhibit?  The part that even made the kids stand still for 30 seconds?  As you made your way through the exhibit, there was another little show that re-enacts the first 24 hour period of the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.  When the little show is over, the curtains in front of you rise and you see…the dead people.

And the kids freaked out.

i see resin casts of dead people!
i see resin casts of dead people!

Only they’re not really dead people.  Just resin casts of some of the people that were buried alive by the tons of ash Mt Vesuvius tossed out that fateful day.  To me, the resin casts made the whole thing a little less authentic.  I mean, I guess they can’t let you see the real dead bodies.  They’re probably all fragile and shit.  The kids would probably ruin them, besides.

As for the rest of the Institute…it was the Institute.  All the stuff kids to jump on, in or around.  And that…they did.

planet of the jakes field trippin



Time’s running out for you to catch the latest episode of the almost internet famous internet show before Disney locks it away in their vaults!



Images courtesy of

Long shot:



Resin cast:

Hot dogs:

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