I was at my local food store, doing what I do best, avoiding housework buying food for the animals 1 under my care, when I came across a package of Pimento loaf.
Well…now, that’s a bit of a lie on my part. I didn’t exactly come across the Pimento loaf (also known as Pickle and Pimento loaf. Also known as “OMG-I –think-I-just-threw-up-a-bit-in-my-mouf”). I was buying luncheon meat for Jakob (cause he just has to be allergic to Peanut Butter and make my life that much more difficult, of course). Which, in the refrigerated section, is where I found several packages worth of Pimento loaf.
I can’t say I was all that surprised to see this stuff still being sold. More…sickened, than anything. I mean, have you taken a good look at Pimento loaf? If it doesn’t look like a brain cutaway, than I don’t know what does.
And the name…it just sounds wrong, doesn’t it? Pimento loaf. Loaf. Sounds about as unappetizing as it gets.
“Sweetheart! I packed you your favorite for lunch! Pimento loaf and swiss cheese!”
“Thanks, dear! You sure are swell! You know how much I love that pickled infused meat product and cheese sandwiches! Especially after it sits in my briefcase, unrefrigerated, for 4 hours or so. Mmmmm…meaty!”
Excuse me for a moment whilst I barf.
Sure, it sounds and looks gross. But that doesn’t mean that it is gross. There are plenty of things out in the world that look awful and have terrible names and are quite delightful. I can’t think of any at the moment, but I’m sure the world is chock full of said items.
So…what exactly is Pimento loaf? According to Wikipedia:
“…is a loaf-type luncheon meat containing finely chopped beef and pork, as well as chopped pickles and pimientos. After being formed into a loaf and cooked, the loaf is kept whole so it can be sliced and served cold as deli meat”
Now, I have “eaten” Pimento loaf a time or two in my day. And by “eaten”, I really mean “thrown in the trash” (sorry that you had to find out here, Ma, but yea…I threw those sandwiches out. So did the Pope. Look, if I’m gonna get in trouble here, might as well take my brother down, too). A long time ago. When I was a much younger you friendly neighborhood jman. And if memory serves me right, it was a unpleasant of an experience as it sounds (and looks).
The question remains…why? Why does this luncheon meat exist? Who’s idear was it to toss chopped pickles, pimentos and olives (oh my!) and god knows whatever else into what is tantamount to a meat cake?
A quick internet search reveals…no one. It appears no one wants to admit they invented Pimento loaf. Not Oscar Meyer. Not Dietz and Watson, Hormel or Hillshire farms. No one. No one will come forward and admit to what they have wrought onto humanity.
Forget the person who invented the shit. Who’s the person he went up to and said: “Here. Try this…”
The show that everyone would be talking about at the water cooler if they only watched it…
Images courtesy of:
Kate upton: vidtrigger.com
- The kids ↩