Word Abuse: Sea Salt

wtf is Chia, anyway?!?!?  isn't that the crap they make pets out of?!?!?

Here’s a tip for all you budding entrepreneurs out there in New Internetsland.  Got a new product you’re trying to sell?  Then make sure you emblazon the words “Sea salt” anywhere on the package.

Looking for a license to print money?  Who isn’t?!?!?  Look no further!  “Sea salt” will take you to the promise word abuse sea saltland!  Hawking a new cracker?  Bor-ing!   Throw the words “Sea salt” in there and suddenly you’ve got a one way ticket to Moneytown. 

“Sea salt crackers”.

See that?!?!? Holy shit!  You’ve got a hankerin’ for tasty crackers now, dontcha?

But…wait!!  Did you hear that?  That was the sound of a million registers ringing out at once, from people just like you suddenly giving into the urge for “Sea salt crackers”

chocolate?!?!  for real!?!?
chocolate?!?! for real!?!?

And believe you me, “Sea salt” isn’t just for crackers!  Oh, no!  It works on chips, granola bars…and get this…even chocolate!

Not only does “Sea salt” add a ton of credibility to your product, it automatically adds a ton of unscientifically proven health benefits!  Like…it’s not “regular” salt.

“Regular” salt is just so bourgeois anymore.  Want to impress your dinner guests?  Nothing screams class like products  made with “Sea salt”.  Just make sure that your dinner guest either see the packaging or tell them

this one's a double offender.  "Artisan".
this one’s a double offender. “Artisan”.

straight up:  “Not only does that granola bar taste good…it’s good for you!  Because it’s made from real “Sea salt”.

Just ignore the fact that “Sea salt” has no additional health benefit over “regular salt”.  And probably tastes the same, as well.   Facts just get in the way of marketing.

 

What do you mean you haven’t seen the new “mini” show yet?!?!?  What are you waiting for?!?!?

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