If it’s August (and at the time of this writing, it sure as shootin’ is), that can only mean one thing…No. Not back to school. Well, I mean…yea…it does. But it also means…Tales from the Vacation!!!!
Yup. It’s that time of year when your friendly neighborhood jman packs the family roadster up with kids, food and assorted shit fun, and heads on down to America’s Greatest Family Resort, Ocean City NJ.
Over the last few years, we’ve been staying at the same place in good ol’ Ocean City. Why? Because the place is fairly reasonable and it’s not a hundred mile walk to the beach, either. But that reasonability comes with a price. The beds are horrible. Horrible. I suspect they were crafted in the early 90’s (1890’s that is).
What makes these beds so horrible? You can’t move any part of your body, without the bed creaking. Don’t believe me? Hear for yourself:
BTW…that is NOT me farting! That’s the bed.
As I can tell you from prior experience, there is no getting a good night’s sleep on these beds. AT ALL. But, this year? Oh…I had a plan. I called my doctor a few days before to see if he could prescribe me something for a couple days. And by something, I don’t mean oxycodone. No…I mean some sleep aids.
I know. I know. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “My friendly neighborhood jman, why not just get over the counter sleep aids? Besides that…who needs a sleep aid on vacation?!?!? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Look…if that’s what you’re thinking, then nuts to you! Did you already forget why I needed said sleep aids? Listen to that creaky ass bed, again if you must:
As for why not get something over the counter? Cause that stuff does some funky shit to my head. And not in a good way, either. I get all jittery. Which, actually, is the exact opposite effect I’m looking for. Go figure. So, my good doctor prescribed some “behind the counter” sleep aids for the week.
How’d it go? Well…I don’t want to say that “behind the counter” sleep aids are best, but damnit Jerry, they are. Because I was a little frightened, I only took half a pill. Half a fucking pill. And this is what it turned me into:
Not a few moments after that? I was snug as a bug in a rug. Out like a light! Sign me up for a life time supply, doc!
Uhhhh…what? What’s that you say? Doctor’s don’t like to prescribe this shit anymore?!?! They cause memory loss, narcolepsy, trouble concentrating, etc.
Whatever. I don’t care. I say bring the dumb on!