Planet of the Jakes/Tales from the Vacation 2014: The trouble with Water Ice.

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What would a Tales from the Vacation be without a crossover to Planet of the Jakes?  Not much, that’s for damn sure.

Tales from the Vacation 2014 2Every year I say the same thing before every vacation never again:  “I’m only buying ice cream/water ice two or three nights this week.  Not every night!  It’s too damn expensive.”  And like the sucker I am, I end up buying ice cream/water ice how often?  Right!  Every flippin night.

This one particular evening, we were up on the boardwalk (again).  The kids begging for ice cream.  And because my small brain can only handle so much begging from four kids, I broke down and bought them frozen treats.

Say what you will about my strength/testicular fortitude.  But, I defy you to stand your ground when four kids under your charge beg for something, simultaneously, You couldn’t do it, either.  It’s one of the most effective enhanced interrogations used by the government.  How do you think they got Bin Laden?

But, I digress…

Jakob was up first at the little ice cream shack on the boardwalk. Leaning against the outside counter, he ordered the same Blue Razzberry water ice he’d been ordering all week.

Jethro…”  I called out behind me.  “What do you want?”

that does say "booger"
that does say “booger”

The girl behind the counter handed Jake his water ice, as Jethro stepped in front of me, to order yet another of his crazy, multi-flavored concoction.  I was about to call up Natalia, when I happened to look over at Jake, his head down on the grimey white plastic counter, a few steps away from the rest of us.

“You ok, Jake?  I called out.

No answer.

“WTF?!?” I thought to myself 1.  “Jake!”  I called out again.  “You ok?”

Still no answer.

Jesus Christ!  It’s always something with these kids!  I stepped out of line to lean all the way over and nudged him.  “Hey.”  I said, rubbing his shoulder.  “You ok?”

He slowly lifted his head, to look up at me.  His eyes were bloodshot.  Tears were starting to run down his face.

I knelt down to get a better look at him.   “Jake!” I said, panicking slightly.  I turned him completely forward to face me.  “What’s wrong?”

He looked at me, water continuing to fill up his eyes.  After a long moment, he finally managed to whisper.



“Brain freeze.”


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Water ice:

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  1. Who else would I think to?  You?

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