The last few years, your friendly neighborhood jman’s been on a quest. A vision quest, if you will (and you will). A vision quest to find these mythical Tastykake Pancake flavored Krimpets. I know. I know. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: What in the Sam Hell am I talking about? Well, it’s a fair question. And one which I aim to tackle here.
See, a bunch of years ago, Tastykake came out with Pancake flavored Krimpets. And I picked up a box, why? Because marketing works on me. Duh. And I’m more than willing to try anything that has the word “new” on it.
In a box that has 6 (can I just say here that it drives me nuts when on the side of the package it states the package contains 12 Krimpets? It does not. A package of Tastykake Krimpets contains 6 packs. Because, NO ONE eats “A” Krimpet. At minimum they eat “A” pack. But, never a “single” Krimpet. Can we just stop fukin each other with this nonsense?), I had exactly one pack of these delicious lil wonders. And that’s even after I hid them from the soul crushing monsters that take up residence in my house.
But, like I said…that was years ago. And I was beginning to think that the whole thing was my imagination. Not the soul crushing monsters living in my house…no. They’re real. I’m talking about the Pancake Batter Krimpets. Because as quickly as they entered my life, those delicious pastries departed just as. Turns out Pancake Batter Krimpets are as fleeting as the summer wind on a fall day, a package of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and a really good orgasm (who am I kidding? At this point, I’d settle for any kind of orgasm).
But, I’m glad to reveal here, that…no, they weren’t a figment of my imagination. They were the real deal. Because after years of searching high and lo in all my local markets, Wawa’s and Sev’s and coming up empty handed, I finally took to the internets to see what the deal was.
Turns out they’ve got the internet on computers these days.
It also turns out those tasty, tasty TastyKakes were a test program and not widely circulated; “limited edition” if you will (and you will). Now that I know that it wasn’t some blip in the Matrix and these sumbitches are for real, I’m determined to track them down and eat as many as I can in one sitting.
Or, maybe just two packs, instead.