Planet of the Jakes/Tales from the Vacation 2014: The trouble with Water Ice.

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What would a Tales from the Vacation be without a crossover to Planet of the Jakes?  Not much, that’s for damn sure.

Tales from the Vacation 2014 2Every year I say the same thing before every vacation never again:  “I’m only buying ice cream/water ice two or three nights this week.  Not every night!  It’s too damn expensive.”  And like the sucker I am, I end up buying ice cream/water ice how often?  Right!  Every flippin night.

This one particular evening, we were up on the boardwalk (again).  The kids begging for ice cream.  And because my small brain can only handle so much begging from four kids, I broke down and bought them frozen treats.

Say what you will about my strength/testicular fortitude.  But, I defy you to stand your ground when four kids under your charge beg for something, simultaneously, You couldn’t do it, either.  It’s one of the most effective enhanced interrogations used by the government.  How do you think they got Bin Laden?

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Tales from the Vacation 2014: To sleep or not to sleep

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If it’s August (and at the time of this writing, it sure as shootin’ is), that can only mean one thing…No.  Not back to school.  Well, I mean…yea…it does.  But it also means…Tales from the Vacation!!!!

Yup.  It’s that time of year when your friendly neighborhood jman packs the family roadster up with kids, food and assorted shit fun, and heads on down to America’s Greatest Family Resort, Ocean City NJ.

Over the last few years, we’ve been staying at the same place in good ol’ Ocean City.  Why?  Because the place is fairly reasonable and it’s not a hundred mile walk to the beach, either.  But that reasonability comes with a price.  The beds are horrible.  Horrible.  I suspect they were crafted in the early 90’s (1890’s that is).

tales from the vacation 2014 bed

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The Importance of Toothbrushes

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Disclaimer:  What you’re about to read was recounted to me by NataliaYour friendly neighborhood jman did not witness any of these events.

The kids were getting themselves ready to go on vacation with their mother for a week’s stay down the shore.  Amidst all the chaos of packing for a week, in a matter of five minutes, a fascinating rule was discovered…

“Nat!”  Jakob said, carrying all his worldly possessions in a bag, down the steps into our living room.  Jethro trailed right behind him, lugging his life away, too.  “Nat!  Can you believe this kid?”

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