Didn’t That Kid Just Learn to Count?

This is just the tip of the iceberg!

Sarah recently asked your friendly neighborhood jman the best way to make hard boiled eggs.  Which, apparently, is more of an exact science than it appears.  I mean, sure…you can just dump the eggs in water and “boil the shit out of them” as my mother would say.  But…that leaves the yolk tasting like, well…unhappiness.  So, I grabbed my handy dandy notebook iPad and pulled up the instructions for boiling the perfect hard boiled eggs off the internets for her.

Speaking of “unhappiness”…

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Fellow Dumpster Divers…Seize the Day!

act casual dog.  they'll never know the difference

With 15 minutes left at work on a Friday afternoon, I get the text that everyone dreads:

“Dad.  Snowflake got into the trash.”

Well, take out the name “Snowflake” and insert the name of your animal (or kid) and then ask yourself:  are there any other combinations of words that can strike so many different emotions in an adult?

happens to the best of us.
happens to the best of us.
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Planet of the Jakes: Plumps

mmmm...plumps!

“Daaaaad…”  Jakob whined one recent Sunday morning.  “Do we have any orange juice without any plumps in it?”

I stopped scrambling the eggs, not quite sure I heard what he said.  “What?”  I asked, furrowing my brow.  Probably for the 10th time that morning.

Jakob stood by the wide open refrigerator door, shaking a carton of orange juice. That probably didn’t have a lid on it.  He likes to tempt fate that way.  “Does this juice have plumpers in it?”

we're just making sure the kitchen stays cool.
we’re just making sure the kitchen stays cool.
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When Does the word “Maybe” mean “Yes”?

get it?

I’ll tell you when:

Never.

It was a trick question.  “Maybe” never ever ever ever means “yes”.  When you’re a parent (even when you’re not), whenever you toss out the word “maybe” as an answer to a question, 9.999999 times out of 10, you really mean “no”.   But, you don’t want to hear any crap from the Asker (or is it “Askee”?!?  I always get the “ee” and the “er” mixed up).  All’s you really want is for the Asker to go into some other room and leave you alone, with as little fuss as possible.

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