When Does the word “Maybe” mean “Yes”?

get it?

I’ll tell you when:


It was a trick question.  “Maybe” never ever ever ever means “yes”.  When you’re a parent (even when you’re not), whenever you toss out the word “maybe” as an answer to a question, 9.999999 times out of 10, you really mean “no”.   But, you don’t want to hear any crap from the Asker (or is it “Askee”?!?  I always get the “ee” and the “er” mixed up).  All’s you really want is for the Asker to go into some other room and leave you alone, with as little fuss as possible.

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My Kingdom For…An Ice Making Fridge

the replacement

A few years ago, our ice making fridge went on the fritz.  Twas a sad day in the jman household (and by “sad”, I really mean “frustrating as hell”, cause I did what I could to save the sonuvabitch, that is to say my ol’ man did what he could to save the sonuvabitch, but it just wasn’t happening). The fridge had a good run, though, so I really couldn’t complain.  Especially since, at the time, we were a two fridge house.

With the timely passing of our primary fridge, the backup fridge got the nod from the house manager (your friendly neighborhood jman) to hit the mound, and things went back to their quasi normal state.

oh my!  would you look at all that ready made ice!
oh my! would you look at all that ready made ice!
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Planet of the Jakes: Crisis of Infinite Shirts

planet of the jakes crisis shirts

I was ironing some clothes, prepping  for yet another day in paradise, when Jakob came sauntering into the laundry room (where I perform this daily sacrifice ritual.  Every morning.  What can I say?  I’m far too lazy to drop off and pick up my shirts at the dry cleaners.  Far too lazy.).

“Dad…”  Jakob slightly whined, milling around the ironing board, shirtless wearing just a pair of track pants.  “Do I have shirts to wear that I like?”

I glanced over at him, puzzled.  Was this some sort of belated April Fool’s joke?  Does he have any shirts to wear that he likes?  What kind of question is that?  How should I know?  Even if I did know, the kid changes his mind what he likes, like the weather changes on an early Spring day. 

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Episode 28: Man’s Inhumanity to Man: The Printer

episode 28

Welcome to your friendly neighborhood jman’s almost internet famous internet show.  I am your friendly neighborhood jman.

I am also the head and lone employee of the Information Technologies department here at the jman household.  And, believe you me, I am not a fan of the position, either.  Parenting is a thankless job.  But, being a parent on top of the being the family’s IT department?  That’s not just a thankless job.  That’s a complete black hole of thanklessness.

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Where Would We be Without Disclaimers in Commercials?

Better keep away from the old folks, too.

So…I’m watching TV the other day, which because of my celebrity lifestyle, I don’t get to watch very often.  And while I’m staring into the vapid void of 21st century entertainment, this commercial comes on:

embedded by Embedded Video

No big deal, right!?!  Stupid laundry detergent ad.  But, when it came on again (5 minutes later), I must’ve been somewhat paying attention because I caught this disclaimer:

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