What would a Tales from the Vacation be without a crossover to Planet of the Jakes? Not much, that’s for damn sure.
Every year I say the same thing before every vacation never again: “I’m only buying ice cream/water ice two or three nights this week. Not every night! It’s too damn expensive.” And like the sucker I am, I end up buying ice cream/water ice how often? Right! Every flippin night.
This one particular evening, we were up on the boardwalk (again). The kids begging for ice cream. And because my small brain can only handle so much begging from four kids, I broke down and bought them frozen treats.
Say what you will about my strength/testicular fortitude. But, I defy you to stand your ground when four kids under your charge beg for something, simultaneously, You couldn’t do it, either. It’s one of the most effective enhanced interrogations used by the government. How do you think they got Bin Laden?
I was ironing some clothes, prepping for yet another day in paradise, when Jakob came sauntering into the laundry room (where I perform this daily sacrifice ritual. Every morning. What can I say? I’m far too lazy to drop off and pick up my shirts at the dry cleaners. Far too lazy.).
“Dad…” Jakob slightly whined, milling around the ironing board, shirtless wearing just a pair of track pants. “Do I have shirts to wear that I like?”
I glanced over at him, puzzled. Was this some sort of belated April Fool’s joke? Does he have any shirts to wear that he likes? What kind of question is that? How should I know? Even if I did know, the kid changes his mind what he likes, like the weather changes on an early Spring day.
Yup. It’s that time of year again, folks. No. Not spring. I mean, yea…Spring is coming. And thank god for that, really. Cause this has been one long, miserable winter. Can I get an amen?
But, no, I’m not talking Spring in this case. I’m really talking…field trips! And once again, your friendly neighborhood jman was picked to chaperone a bunch of lunatics fourth graders in one crazy adventure!