What would a Tales from the Vacation be without a crossover to Planet of the Jakes? Not much, that’s for damn sure.
Every year I say the same thing before every vacation never again: “I’m only buying ice cream/water ice two or three nights this week. Not every night! It’s too damn expensive.” And like the sucker I am, I end up buying ice cream/water ice how often? Right! Every flippin night.
This one particular evening, we were up on the boardwalk (again). The kids begging for ice cream. And because my small brain can only handle so much begging from four kids, I broke down and bought them frozen treats.
Say what you will about my strength/testicular fortitude. But, I defy you to stand your ground when four kids under your charge beg for something, simultaneously, You couldn’t do it, either. It’s one of the most effective enhanced interrogations used by the government. How do you think they got Bin Laden?
If it’s August (and at the time of this writing, it sure as shootin’ is), that can only mean one thing…No. Not back to school. Well, I mean…yea…it does. But it also means…Tales from the Vacation!!!!
Yup. It’s that time of year when your friendly neighborhood jman packs the family roadster up with kids, food and assorted shit fun, and heads on down to America’s Greatest Family Resort, Ocean City NJ.
Over the last few years, we’ve been staying at the same place in good ol’ Ocean City. Why? Because the place is fairly reasonable and it’s not a hundred mile walk to the beach, either. But that reasonability comes with a price. The beds are horrible. Horrible. I suspect they were crafted in the early 90’s (1890’s that is).
As much as I’d like to drag this series out for another day or 2, the (un)fortunate fact is, the rest of the vacation was fairly uneventful. So much so, I can’t even throw my usual 3 or 17 stretchers in there to make the stories more appealing . You know…”embellish”.
Of course, I’m completely and utterly lying about that, but as the wise philosophers Plato and Aristotle Hall and Oates once uttered in song:
One night toward the end of the vacation, the kids and I were making our way through the crowd on the boardwalk, for no particular purpose, really. We had already walked the boards 50 million times that week. We had seen all that had to be seen. Bought whatever needed buying. But, as “they” say, the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain when in Rome…