Here’s a tip for all you budding entrepreneurs out there in New Internetsland. Got a new product you’re trying to sell? Then make sure you emblazon the words “Sea salt” anywhere on the package.
Looking for a license to print money? Who isn’t?!?!? Look no further! “Sea salt” will take you to the promise land! Hawking a new cracker? Bor-ing! Throw the words “Sea salt” in there and suddenly you’ve got a one way ticket to Moneytown.
Alright kids, it’s time. It’s time to stop using the word “epic”. It’s enough now. There are half a trillion words in the English language. It’s time to pick a new one (or two, even. Variety keeps things fresh!) to describe all your previously known as “epic” hi-jinks.
I blame myself, really. Your friendly neighborhood jman let it go on far too long. I should’ve put my foot down a few years ago, but what can I say? I am a lazy, lazy man.
Plain ol’ bacon just isn’t good enough anymore. Nope. The sign of quality bacon these days? Anything with the moniker “Applewood smoked” in front of it. You see those words, and you can be sure you’re living the high life!
What the hell does that mean, anyway? “Applewood smoked”? After a bit of “investigating” 1. It’s bacon that’s been smoked with wood from apple trees. Hence the name “Apple wood smoked”. Duh. It doesn’t get much more self explanatory than that.
I’m sick of the word “Asiago”. I’m sick of seeing it. I’m sick of hearing it. It’s a total and complete “show-off” word. It just screams of “I’m too good to sit next to you and breathe your air. And I’m certainly too good to eat Velveeta cheese.” Asiago this. Asiago that. Asiago chicken sandwiches. Asiago penne pasta. Asiago deodorant. Come on! Enough is enough!